arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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