Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
