i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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