I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
