What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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