Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
