Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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