Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
