At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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