WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize