why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
