I CAN MOONWALK!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
