That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
