I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
