on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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