The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
