how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
