So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
