Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please don't give away my fajitas
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize