my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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