don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
