he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
