I accidentally burped into my bong.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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