So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize