I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
