I look better un-naked...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
