Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
