Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize