They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
