so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize