I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
