if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
