dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
