Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
