we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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