She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
