I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
