as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
