he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize