Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
