Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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