She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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