Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
