Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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