I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
