my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Pooping to opera.
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