Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
