someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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