spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
