This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
