he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
