Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
