Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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