that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
