Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There are leaves in my underwear?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
