Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
