Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
