she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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