new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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