New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
