don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
