hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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