No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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