Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
