You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
