Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
