Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
