Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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