Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How external is "for external use only"?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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