drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
