how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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